My Advice For Married People: The Most Important Tip I Know

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Yes we have our fights. Who doesn’t? This is what I’m learning: Don’t ever go to bed angry.

Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath – Eph. 4:26

The Message says it like this:

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

It’s true. Don’t let your anger drive you to say hurtful things just because you feel hurt. Don’t shut the other person out. Don’t threaten to leave; don’t threaten divorce. This is the one you love. How much better is it to be humble and hold your heart out for a chance to come to an understanding?

We’ve had numerous opportunities to explore conflict resolution, given that our personality types are so similar (with the introversion/extroversion difference):

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A couple of times, much to my regret, I have gone to bed angry and every time I wished we’d never fought. So my advice is don’t go to bed angry. Going to bed angry makes for the worst sleep, and you know it. 😉

Be determined to forgive. It’s not ever about “being the bigger person” in the relationship. That’s a misguided approach and a counterfeit of forgiveness. It’s about learning to lay down your rights, your feelings and your hurt to get ahold of something far better.

Oh yes, this blog comes with a cheesy video/song that I love because it’s sweet:

2 Comments

  1. Good advice! In my marriage we have an ENFP and an INFP- interesting the way that works out. I will wager that over the years you will have a few more times of going to bed angry, perhaps for more than one night at a time, but the eventual reconciliation is sweet. Still, it’s a good goal.

    As a sidebar, someone 3 feet tall is listening to this song and bobbing her head, hip hop style.

  2. hahah It is a supremely cheesy song but hey if it’s good enough for 3 year olds (who I’ve heard have pure taste in music) then it’s good enough for me 😉 Funny how you have the same introvert/extrovert component difference but everything else the same!

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